A lot of us are brought up with work and social ethics that we should sacrifice ourselves for other people.
Let me give you a few examples so that this makes sense for you and I’ll give you an example for both men and women.
Women primarily in our society are thought that they are supposed to be polite, right? So, when you’re a little girl and you have your parents that are like, “Okay, we’re having a sleepover so when your friends come over, be a good host and watch whatever it is that they want to watch,” right? Because you’re inviting them into your home and you want them to have a good time. So make sure you watch whatever they want.
Conversely though, mom or dad might say, “Now, you’re going to someone else’s sleepover—make sure that you are respectful to your hosts and watch whatever they want to watch. They’re being kind enough to open their home to you, so, whatever they invite you to watch you should see it, okay?”
That kind of sends a message that whether or not you’re at home or whether or not you’re visiting somebody else, you should refer to others. And whatever your own personal wants are—they are immaterial, because your gift to them is you being polite.
Now, when you’re a young kid, sometimes that can drop down into your subconscious as ”your needs are not important.” And that is simply not true, right? If we don’t take care of ourselves then we can’t help other people. What happens is we end up getting really really sick because we’re not meeting our own needs.
Now for the men, it may be that, “Hey! You’re the man. You have to be the one that is the provider. How much money are you making? You’re going to be a father? Pfft! You better make sure that your bank account matches what being a real dad is all about, okay?” Which means “you have to put a roof over their head, you’ve got to make enough money for food in their mouths, and you better go go go and work your ass off at work so that you don’t lose your job,” right?
And so what ends up happening is, that sense of being a provider is the self-sacrifice. And so you sacrifice your relationship to your wife, you sacrifice your relationship to your kids because you don’t see them because you’re working all the time so that you can put that roof over their heads.
And your own needs are not getting met. As well as—you know, the love and emotional support that you and your kids need, right? You need time with your kids as much as your kids need time with you. You need time with your wife or your husband, right? Your partner—whoever it is in your life as much as they need it with you.
All those relationships are equally important. Not just your relationship to money which is getting mistaken for your self-worth in value. Your bank account does not equal your self-worth and value and a lot of our society puts an awful lot of pressure on the guys for that.
That’s not to say that single moms don’t have that pressure either but they get the message of your sacrifice for your family on another different point, right? It’s just to show differences, right?
So, this self-sacrifice is very insidious and what we need to understand is that our self-worth and value should not be placed on either a bank account or whether or not we are pleasing other people by being societally polite, right.
Of course, we should be good and kind to everyone but that doesn’t mean that our opinions aren’t important, that our thoughts and feelings aren’t important and that we shouldn’t share and express those things. Absolutely you should! Because we would never want to tell our kids, “Hey, listen! I know you’re just a five year old but this is the way that fathers are—they don’t emotionally connect to the kids or to the wife really. We just bring home the bread, you do that and you’ll be a good dad, right?” No! That’s not what we want to teach our kids, that’s how to be a good young man, right?
And we also don’t want to teach our young girls, “Hey! You need to sacrifice your health, your sleep and everything else. Your own needs, even your own desires so that people will think you’re polite,” right? We would never tell our little girls that. We don’t want them to grow up never having any of their own wants and needs, and dreams met just so that they can be considered polite and not rock the boat for anybody.
So, I want you to re-examine what you are sacrificing in your life. And not taking care of—in your own space, in your own heart, in your own needs. And so, just look at it—is all I’m saying, right.
Re-evaluate: shift some things. Realize that you have to take care of your own needs and your own desires, and your own dreams because you are modeling for the next generation. Whether you have kids or not, you’re modeling for the next generation, always, right.
The world is a global village, okay. Everybody watches and sees what everybody does, right? So be the best highest version that you can of yourself. The most loving version of yourself that you can. And then, the kids are going to win, you’re going to win, and we’ll be able to model an incredible new world where everyone is following their dreams, meeting their needs and being the best version of themselves that they can for each other. I hope you found this useful and thank you for joining me.
My name is Mythica. They call me the Neon Buddha: Glow from within.